There are not too many greater fans than myself of the James Bond films in which Sean Connery played Ian Fleming’s great secret agent. Aside from the movies, I loved every one of Fleming’s novels and also those of the marvelous fiction writer Donald Hamilton. Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of what Hollywood did to Hamilton’s brilliant thriller-writing when they produced those excuses for motion pictures in which Dean Martin played some botched version of Matt Helm.
In both the Bond and Helm novels, the protagonists were avid weapons men. Who amongst the Bond fans does not remember that 007’s constant companion early on became a Walther PPK .380 caliber? (“With delivery like a brick through a plate glass window,” according to Boothroyd, the MI6 Armorer who brings Bond his new Walther at “M’s” command.)
Helm favored two personal weapons that I, too, carried for work (and still carry today): the Smith and Wesson .38 Special Chiefs and the Buck folding hunter lockblade knife.
The corker is: Real secret agents (or “intelligence officers”) rarely carry any actual manufactured weapons. Yes, sometimes they do; but those occasions are exceptional, and you’re not going to find any operations officer who is working undercover of a carefully constructed legend that establishes him as a very conventional, non-threatening soul packing a Walther in a soft chamois shoulder holster. It’s great, entertaining fiction – but unrealistic.
Real field service personnel in secret intelligence services are trained – prior to any deployment to a denied area on assignment – in what you must learn, in addition to mastering whatever manufactured weapons you may possess and know how to use: unarmed combat and the effective employment of all weapons-at-hand. Having taught unarmed, improvised, and armed combat for decades, I speak of that which I know.
Being fully prepared to defend yourself and those you love means being able, as I define it, to make use of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING under any and all conditions to defeat and destroy violent and dangerous aggressors who would destroy you.
Thus, while none of us are always in possession of a loaded gun or a sharp, reliable knife, we are always present somewhere: amidst some environmental phenomenon, where there are some items / objects / implements / utilitarian goods / desk paraphernalia / products on a store shelf / stuff lying around / work tools / tableware / furniture / etc. All of these things (yes, ALL!) can be employed as deadly weapons when you’ve studied how to do so. It isn’t that difficult.
In past Survivalism articles, I have described a few, very specific improvised-type weapons – excellent ones – that you should avail yourself of. At least know about them, so the option to employ them when and if you must is always yours.
Right now, I want you to start thinking about anything and everything around you as a possible weapon you might call on in an emergency, when no actual weapon per se is available to you. This is a friendly nudge, I assure you, and it could save your life. It’s the same “nudge” (albeit not official) that I’d give an intelligence officer destined for a denied area or a Special Forces soldier anticipating unconventional warfare assignments that could easily see him in civilian clothing with no actual weapon in hand.
Here’s a homework assignment:
Go over each room in your apartment or house. Make a list of how every item you see might be employed as a weapon. Don’t be too quick to pass anything over.
Example: Your bathroom mirror can provide you a knife in a pinch. Just break the glass and use a piece of fabric torn from your clothing to wrap the end that you use as a grip. Let the sharp, pointed end be your improvised dagger. This will rip open a home invader’s carotid artery just as well as a fighting knife.
And that toothbrush of yours. Holding the end with the bristles: sharpen the hard plastic end on your bathroom’s window sill. Nice little dagger. The plunger? Hell, remove the rubber working portion and you have a stick that can easily kill. Hold in both hands and drive an end into the soft underside of an attacker’s jaw. Then slam the center into his throat. Soap? Dump two new bars into a sock, knot it, and you have a blackjack. The glass you use to rinse after brushing your teeth? Throw water in an attacker’s face to distract him for a follow-up unarmed attack. Or use an undershirt from the hamper!
Kitchen. Now, if you need me to enumerate the armory that exists in every kitchen, you’re hopeless. Just look!
Venetian blind cords make excellent strangling cords (garrotes). Brooms, mops, and shovels all may be used “as is” or after some slight modification if you have time.
Your wristwatch. Slide the band up over your hand and use the watch as you would brass knuckles. Yes, you might break the watch. So what? You’re defending your life! Metal engineer’s rulers cut deep!
Standard landline telephones make great bludgeoning instruments. The wires make fine garrottes. With the shade removed from a table or desk lamp, the bulb may be jabbed forcefully into an attacker’s face. Larger torchlamp? Use two handed! A computer mouse can prove a nice fist-pack. Clenched in the hand it adds weight to a solid solar plexus, sternum, or groin punch. (Don’t punch to the bony facial area even with a fist pack; use the heel or side of the hand – or ram your fingers into the attacker’s eyes. Keep the punching with or without a fist-pack to the soft, weak vital targets.)
In your vehicle. A long screwdriver or a sledgehammer handle can be a reassuring companion beside you if you cannot carry a gun or a fixed-blade combat knife when you drive. But keep several tools lying beside the screwdriver or sledgehammer handle so that, if observed by an officer who pulls you over for a traffic violation, he simply sees that you’ve got some ordinary tools with you. Don’t advertise why you are carrying what is lying beside you. You can always explain that you’re going to do repairs around the house.
No. 2 Eberhard pencils that are sharpened may be utilized to drive through the underside of a would-be rapist’s jaw and penetrate his brain. Bic and Papermate pens sell inexpensively by the dozen… they make excellent emergency stabbing weapons. (Remember those old commercials where a Bic pen’s reliability was proven by showing one shot through a wooden plank using a crossbow? Those old commercials sure did make an impression on me!)
I hope I’ve impressed you that the possibilities are all but endless. If you can HIT, STAB, CUT, STRANGLE, WHIP, DISTRACT, or otherwise IMPEDE a physical assailant with it, it’s a viable, improvised hand-held weapon.
In the case of street curbs, stairs, vehicle bumpers, fire hydrants, mail boxes, phone poles, signs, park benches, fence posts, corners of desks or furniture, open window, speeding traffic, stair landings, etc., well… you take it from there.
Just remember:
ANYTHING GOES IN SELF-DEFENSE, AND YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE A HELPLESS VICTIM. IN DEFENSE OF YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU LOVE, YOU MUST BE READY, WILLING, AND ABLE TO DO A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
You are rarely likely to be truly unarmed!
by Bradley J. Steiner
